Sunday, January 29, 2017
once again, i'm back here again.
why?
it's so heartbreaking to know a long running relationship could be triggered to break off by such a minute matter.
it could be handled better, i couldn't agree more with my cousin.
they had an age gap, no one thought it would work out from the start.
but they did, and they went strong and for very long.
it was a relationship to be envious of.
i wouldn't blame K for being this way.
it was a difficult time for him already.
E could be more understanding at a time like this.
being understanding is not a one way thing.
on the other hand, not every one is like me.
able to take in all the shit and still be nice.
both of them are living "well" without each other on social media.
really, i don't know in fact, if they are well.
Every year during new year for these 2-3 years, the shattered relationships around me.
doesn't give me good vibes.
i don't feel secure anymore.
next could be me, i don't know.
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seems like you are going to her house for gathering.
good for you.
it's not just me. everyone is asking, why am i not worried?
well, in fact, i am, very.
all the subtle hints and signs of betrayal.
i know how it works.
i know how to think in her view.
but i just don't know how you are handling it.
maybe i'm just running away from things that will hurt me and not think about it.
it's fine.
i'll be fine.
we are so close.
so close to binding together.
i choose to believe, i choose to trust.
because it's a lot easier than thinking and thinking.
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hey, i miss bball-ing.
i missed the times where everything was simple.
where love is love and hate is hate.
there is no need to hide anything.
cry with all your might.
shout with all your voice.
i'm missing the souls that made me fall in love..
yes, i'm shamelessly thinking about my ex and crush.
missing the times where smiles were part of my life more than anything.
looking forward to everyday, to just get a glimpse of them.
there's so many things that kept running in my mind.
the same images of the past.
and how i could have done a better job handling.
which may have led to what is of me now.
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work has been draining.
splitting myself between site work and tender.
got called back to HQ for tender project.
it's a good time to learn, but i really don't have sufficient time to do both at the same time.
i'm trying, procrastinating, but trying.
i'm tired. i'm drained.
i'm not going to spend extra time thinking about things that could be or would be.
i don't want to know anymore.
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my wish, is to run away alone someday.
solo trip out there.
and think with all my might.
break my heart time and time again.
cry and cry again, until i find no more reason.
until a time where i find peace in myself.
and not like what i am now, working to drain myself so that my thoughts are controlled.
be strong girl.
keep your mask on.
step by step.
you move a little further each day.
and one day.
you will throw away everything.
and start anew.
~你不知道的事/愛要怎麼說出口~
Innocence
1:52 PM
