Tuesday, March 22, 2016
i have no intention to ask you to quit gundam..
i know you love your collection..
i know you won't give them up..
so once in a while when i nag at you..
i just felt like disturbing you..
and partly to help you keep your expenses in control..
when i see random gundam display/events..
i'll tell you.
so tell me... which anime do i love..
what do they do?
when i first knew you..
you were so receptive of anime i intro, K-on..
and then? it only lasted so far.
no more.. like you were not interested in the animes i watched.
that's fine, i don't blame you..
maybe its not your genre..
then explain why was K-on ok?
was it because we weren't together that time?
when i try to intro new animes to you, you switch off.
(see your phone, look at stuff on my table etc.)
that's where i felt like there is no point on introducing you more.
i switched off.
you said you wanted to take up photography..
i said no, because you had school fees to handle..
yourself to feed, and going out with me.
(though usually our expenses don't even exceed $100)
you went ahead and got your camera anyway.
oh well, maybe you really like photography..
maybe you can help me do shoots even! (awesome uh?)
and when i asked why you wanna learn photography..
you told me, because you wanna take photos of....
gundams, figurines, landscape.
WOW, no human in it. at all.
how do you want me to ask you to do photoshoots for me?
nah, i rather not trouble you and make you do things you don't like.
it's ok, i have friends who are willing to do shoots with me.
maybe i expected too much out of you.
maybe i'll be happier to expect nothing at all.
let me just bring this out anyway.
i have friends staying over at their partner's house.
not that i will like the idea alot, but once in awhile, no harm right?
and when i heard you and your bro were getting a double deck bed..
i was kinda disappointed.
(not that i wanted your grandma dead or what)
but you also said, if she passed on, you can have your own room.
but nope. you and your bro decided "bros for life!"
and stick on and on.
i never once asked you to join my jc outings.
because i know what my jc people are like..
after they see/interact with you..
i will hear words pricking like pins and needles all over the place.
i don't blame them, i'm just easily influenced.
and i don't want to hear all that.
so i just didn't let you join us.
you don't seem to enjoy outings besides with roku baka gang anyway.
like awkward, and just sitting there waiting for dinner to be over..
popping in some comments in between.
i'm drifting away. i won't deny.
there's no plans.
i'm tired of waiting.
maybe you like it this way..
getting used to each others' presence.
when i asked, "when you wanna get married"
you replied me in less than a minute..
you said, "this year propose, next year married"
if we ought to move out, we need to get a house.
if we ought to get married, aren't we suppose to be planning?
unless you want us to just get the piece of paper and go back to our lives.
honestly speaking, i'm not afraid about money issues.
i know we have enough CPF to back us up.
but what are your plans?
i've tried, i keep asking and i don't see a future in us.
i'm staying because you did nothing wrong.
if i left, i would be labelled as heartless.
yes, i care about how others see me.
it is important to me.
anyway, it's okay, i can wait.
like how i've waited all these while.
it doesn't make a diff, a year or two or ten.
i'll focus on my career then.
if you want to, you can stay.
but if you find someone else.
i wouldn't stop you either.
i'm tired of living in doubts.
living in insecurities.
living in promises that won't get fulfilled.
it's okay now.
i control my life and you can take charge of yours.
you will make a good family member.
i can get used to you though.
family for the sake of being family.
Innocence
12:28 AM
