Friday, January 02, 2015
my dearest colleague, jess, really had it hard..
8 years of relationship and gone in 2 months...
that's how fast people can changed..
i looked back at how fast i changed after i know ss..
it took a gruelling 6 months for me to break off with brian..
now i look at jess and think back on how much it hurt..
to be in jess (or brian's) position..
n i choose to believe this is what i need to go through..
just so i will know how that felt..
so that the hurt will go one round and come back in my face..
it's so sad to see someone so bubbly changed overnight..
but at least, no more lies..
i kinda feel stupid..
not sure if i'm sharing her sadness..
or just reminiscing my guilt..
just how bad i was..
and makes me lose confidence in relationship..
-------------------------
been losing my appetite these days..
not sure why..
things i usually can finish easily..
i just stuck at 3/4 and cannot eat anymore..
as if i was on a forced diet...
not like it's gastric or anything also..
-------------------------
too preoccupied with my cosplays these days..
it's like my best distraction when i don't wanna do anything..
2015!
woohoo.
i bought a new Samsung S5 last week, just charged it just now.
and i was transferring data from my SD card to my com.
came across screenshots and photos..
nostalgic, and stuff, making me think alot..
you know the kinda things you do when you are young..
you and a friend going, "if we are still single at 35, let's get married!"
nope i don't have such a friend. LOL.
but does that really happen?
sometimes, things goes out of my control, what can i do?
i do blame myself for things i can't control sometimes..
i can't help it, i don't wanna blame others for it..
sometimes i feel that i grew up to become someone i don't wanna be..
someone that lie, go through shit and still lie..
hiding truths, selfishly thinking that i know what's best for others..
deciding on their behalf..
who am i?
i feel sad, i just feel sad and emo..
i don't understand why, i don't know why..
i can't help it..
when the cold wind blows, my soul shivers.
when dark clouds gathers, i lose my heart..
sometimes my tears fall, for no particular reason..
maybe what i needed was never warmth..
maybe what i needed was the coldness, to let me know that i'm still warm..
EMO SIA. D;
nights.
~let the rain, wash away, all the pain of yesterday~
Innocence
1:10 AM
