Sunday, January 25, 2009
went to his blog n listen to dat song..
went sing songs a few days back...
craps loads of emo songs...
kinda trying to feel wad he feels..
cux i dun wan him to be hurt alone..
oni thing i noe is by doing this..
it doesnt make him feel any better..
neither does it make me feel reali great bout it..
this weekend gonna get flooded by chingay..
gt a lil restless doing my tut n stuff..
cant help feeling like i'm gonna waste my life..
like continue to waste my life studying....
iModels wanted me to join them...
din talk to my parents bout it..
portfolio was $480..
it wud mean so little to me if i was working..
but current state..
i beta dun do stupid things..
i noe i join lerr.. pay abit n earn alot..
but i dun wan to huang fei my studies..
i mean even if i dun wan i'm ALRDY in uni..
den dun wan ppl around me to worry bout me..
meows.. let go of this chance lerrr..
dun tink it'll ever come back to me..
a lil regret.. but i rather create less trouble for ppl..
tink tink..
my dad oso how old lerrr..
stil working n giving we 4 kids allowance..
he doesnt have CPF lehhh..
i wil definitely earn money n feed my parents de..
i lie to them alot.. i owe them alot la..
whether money wise or feeling wise..
they haven know their daughter..
cux their precious daughter nvr fails to lie..
she'll learn de..
learn to stop lying..
learn to eat veggies.. =.="
i dun wan my frenx to worry bout me oso..
cux i noe i'm already a big enuff trouble lerr..
kuroii flew back lerrr...
i got a lil tuo jie from club/cafe lerrr..
mayb i stil cant bring myself to face them ba..
i've hurt one of their comrade so badly..
will anyone stil wan me back in cosplay circle?
i noe i dun have a reputation from the start..
now its going negative lerrr..
i duno wad other stuff is going round..
but i noe i stil cant go back..
juz yet.. he needs time..
i need time..
it took me a few years to be as frenx again with jiaming..
i noe that's how long i've hurt him..
everytime he sees me...
its hurt again n again..
juz like me n yulin dat time...
break lerrr.. see lerrr i noe damn pain...
but stil persisted on seeing him..
even pain.. but wanna noe hows he's doing..
mayb cux i noe how it is..
dat's y i chose to stay away for awhile..
u cant see me yet..
my appearance will hurt u haunt u..
bring back the same pain i inflicted on u..
i noe its this pain..
i reali hope i can forever disappear from ur life..
i used to tink all this shit..
i hope i get some bang on my head..
forget every single soul in my life..
but i figured..........
no matter wad.. even if i forgot everyone..
he's stil one i'll remember..
cux til now no one could replace him..
no one cud..
this post shldnt be hanging here..
ppl wil start to say i'm emo-ing n stuff..
well.. putting this in my other one..
den it'll change nothing except..
the fact dat i'm emoing n someone is reading..
kinda makes me let go of some stuff ba..
same kinda stuff..
same topic..
the same person..
its so hard to let go..
but i'll try i'll try..
renew my memories..
live now..
i wanna be happy cux i'm happy..
i'm happy now..
i'm liking the freedom i have now..
it stil feels like i'm missing something..
but i noe i'm happy..
juz spending days with frenx classmates..
doing tut, playing facebook..
this kinda life..
simple.. repetitive...
but i'm happy this way..
~NTU, Civil & Environmental Engineering~
Innocence
1:53 AM
