Saturday, September 22, 2007
argh.. cant stop thinking bout the past..
esp these few days.. been very emo..
but seriously i dun reali noe y..
but today reali fa zhuo liaox..
keep reminding myself of my past..
argh.. den dun wanna tink..
but it keeps coming back..
there's this sudden feeling dat i wanna be at some places...
amk hub, tpc kiddy palace, toapayoh south cc..
haix.. kinda missed the waiting feeling..
the fun element..
oh gosh..
i miss all my darlings..
but seriously i dun wan go out..
go out there.. den go their house void deck n stone..
yeah i used to do that..
can stay there for a few hours..
juz hoping to see them walking home..
seeing them home makes me feel safe ba..?
haix.. now my life's slightly empty la..
situation in school not any better..
very awkward seeing each other..
but reali i rather dat they noe it my fault or something..
cux i dun wan this to spoil ur image..
=x yeah freak..
i'm not doing well in school..
neither am i in my life..
freaking emo la...
and i realised something..
i'm rather stupid..
it's reali kinda quite useless for me to study..
cux i dun remember stuff like forever..
and i cant do ANYTHING properly..
reali feel i very useless loh...
dunno y i exist..
like when i wid ji n all..
i feel like i'm reali not needed there..
like a extra character..
someone for ppl to lean on once in a while..
i'm reali of no importance..
no influence.. no nothing..
been feeling down..
but i dunno how ppl can make me happy le..
sometimes i tink ah..
if i continue the way i am..
one day i'll juz stop smiling..
lose all the things..
n forget how to be happy..
how to make others happy..
now i reali feel like shyt..
cux if i cant even make myself smile..
how am i to console others?
on wad grounds shld i make them smile..
laughter used to be everything of me..
it used to be so easy to smile..
i smile even when i see others smile..
now.. when i see others smile..
i start to tink y cant i smile like them?
y cant i be like them? reali quite sad..
haix.. life's short..
i noe i shld be happy..
but reali i dunno wad to be happy bout..
look at my results..
look at my social circle?
see jasmine everywhere oso frenx..
at least she have like ten thousand frenx around her..
dat time koh suddenly so fierce in class..
i suddenly juz feel like going talk to other ppl..
but i realise everyone has everyone else..
jas n jacqtalking.. wenxi shin n jess toking..
shuming they all doing work..
salimah oso.. den i feel like i reali know nobody..
not to the very very close extent..
have i failed as a fren?
i wonder sometimes..
den dat time shuming suddenly erupted..
for a while..
very scary.. but is this life?
its kinda sad when they dunno how hurt others feel..
when suddenly a fren of urs throws everything at u..
wa liew.. u noe rite.. if u alrdy feeling down..
n u tried complaining, n ur frenx starts scolding u..
its vey hurting.. haix.. but wu sou wei for me la..
i'm partically worthless..
juz a breathing soul to be around..
i juz hope my other frenx dun get hurt..
dun like any wounded ppl..
yuppx.. a pretty long post...
anyway.. u noe i feel i've split personality loh..
sometimes when i'm reali damn angry damn sad..
damn emotional dat time rite..
when i msg ppl i can "haha." n put smileys like no one's business..
so ya.. actually sometimes i'm not reali high..
sometimes juz act high...
haix.. these days i feel like another soul is in me..
making me so emo..
haix.. or its juz my inner twin self..
if only i can clone myself n observe..
rawr.. its been a long time since i spend time toking to ppl..
mayb studies is stressing everyone..
i dunno if i am.. but i reali tink i'm damn BEN pls..
~if only i could turn back time~
Innocence
6:40 PM
