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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

fuck the stupid asshole out of everything... i'm getting sick of all those bloody things.. all those words... hurt me so damn lot... and i take those words like damn serious.. wa kao.. i reali dunno wad to do liao.. alot of ppl always say.. "juz be urself n you'll be ALRIGHT..." like wad the fucking thing izt gonna do to me...?? kena mock or wad?! ppl always say things like "ay.. u very irritating leh.." den those ppl can juz go up to other ppl and chit chat.. SMILING!!! argh... izt my face or is dis my fate.. fuck sia.. den ppl always say i act cute.. say i childish.. i always change AT THE DOT!!! but how fucking long am i gonna do dat?? i'm trying to be myself.. yet.. i'm juz like another fucking character from some lala land.. pls la.. i haf no freedom!!! like any shit will understand me lidat.. i'm such a complicated person.. got some many personality.. si bei sianz.. i'm getting sick of being lidat.. but wad can i do?? i'm so fuckingly trying to keep my mouth shut.. sometimes i rather i'm some disabled ppl... den ppl dun get offended by me.. den ppl wun haf so many mood.. ppl will be happy.. well.. fuck the hell out of me sia... i dun tink i haf any reason to be stil standing living here.. ever since my pri sch.. wa liew... pri sch at least beta den dis a million times.. ppl noe wad is TRUE frenship... like dis fucking sch noe anything lidat.. i'm not myself.. anywhere anytime.. haha.. always acting... with my happy smile.. u tink i like dat? now everyone thinks i'm such a cheerful person i dun even noe how to NOT smile.. cuz for all i noe the questions start shooting.. to hu ever dat is STIL reading.. if i ever do anything wrong or irritating... juz scold me la.. scold me until i cry.. i dun like being here.. i tink i belong to mars.. getting bullied is the worst ever thing.. by den gals bully me wad can i do?? fight meh?? den kena bully loh.. since pri sch lidat le.. shld i say i gotten use to it.. and u noe wad?? i even act at home.. haha.. my full time career.. acting.. acting skills number one.. i walk home muz smile.. muz smile.. like i gif a fuck bout it.. now i regret.. regret of alot of things.. now i feel i rather be in some N classes.. at least frenz are loyal.. i've had enough of these things... sometimes i juz wanna be alone.. i juz wanna cry.. cry out every pain in me.. which is like nvr ending.. happy things for me last oni a minute.. while... those pricking pain in my heart keeps hurting me.. time after time.. i wanna restart dis darn life of mine.. ppl have best fren.. i'm dat kind dat cant haf.. i've got millions of frenz.. but not dat everyone is good to me.. they haf their gangs.. i'm so dead jealous of those gangs... since sec 1.. my life is sux to hell.. since sec1.. hatred to the world.. since sec1... i hate myself even more.. i hate almost everything... i dun understand~!!!!!!! everytime i tried my best to do something.. it always ended up shit.. now.. can i try to die!!! sick n tired of living anyway... like i told some ppl.. its cuz of those some ones hu stil cares bout me.. ppl will get sad.. esp those whom i'm important to.. erm.. parents? wa.. like they care... fuck fuck.... FUCK!! these words juz keep coming back!!! "DUN ACT CUTE LA... ACT cute la.. Act cute la.. act cute la..." i'm too tired.. too tired to do anything.. i'm violent.. i'm aggressive.. i'm something dat nobody wants!!! i'm juz a piece of shit.. and one more thing NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND ME!!! best frenz still come n go.. frenz.. come n go more often.. classmates.. juz walk pass u.. i guess i've said enough.. well.. hope this doesn't hurt anyone.. if not.. i apologise.. cuz i reali cant take it~!! SORRY~

Innocence
5:40 AM


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* QiQi *
17th July 1989

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23. Asuna Yuuki - SAO

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♫ Innocence ♫


Innocence stolen without my permission
Innocence gone without my submission

Innocence lost through another’s plan
Innocence no longer for another man

Innocence turned to hatred and fear
Innocence gone, no man can come near

Innocence taken from a little girl’s heart
Innocence replaced by mistrust, you thought you were smart

Innocence disappears like dew in the sun
Innocence faded before it’s begun

Innocence obscured like a cloud over the moon
Innocence ripped away too soon